


Baby It's Cold Outside

by Bells_Hunt



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Jalec Secret Santa 2020, M/M, jalec - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28291683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bells_Hunt/pseuds/Bells_Hunt
Summary: My 2020 fill for Jalec Secret Santa!! Indulgent, sweet, snowed in Jalec for your Holiday fill.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26
Collections: Jalec Secret Santa 2020





	Baby It's Cold Outside

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takara_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/gifts).



“You know this would go a lot better if you didn’t panic.”

Despite his internal wince, Jace only shrugged with a defying look, as Alec Lightwood shot him a deathly glare over his shoulder and kicked the door one more time for good measure.

“At least we have heat.” Jace pointed out, attempting to help, and he saw Alec’s shoulders sag in a way that was as familiar as it was painful. He’d never liked to see Alec in defeat, no matter how many years had gone by.

He looked down at his booted feet, and decided this was a good time as any to take them off and make sure his socks were dry and toasty against the fire that was crackling away in the fireplace. While Alec had occupied himself trying to demolish their way out, _Jace_ had worked on making sure they wouldn’t freeze their asses off in the quickly darkening maintenance cabin.

He heard Alec sigh and looked up as he put his boots neatly aside and stretched his feet out towards the heat.

“I’ll try and work on the electric panel again.”

Jace nodded, “need help?”

Alec twisted his lips and Jace held his breath.

“No, thank you. Fine.”

Jace swallowed bitterly as he watched him go, and counted twenty heartbeats before he looked away from the service room door and back to the flames.

When he’d made it back to Alicante for the Holidays after such a long time, being stuck in a hotel maintenance cabin in the middle of nowhere with his old childhood friend, surrounded by pounds and pounds of snow, and without any electricity, wasn’t exactly what he’d pictured.

He knew Alec blamed him for it, and in truth, he’d be right to. He had warned Jace several times about the snow storm and how it’d be too risky to go out then. Jace hadn’t listened. He’d only thrown a charming smile his way as he’d zipped up his coat and walked out. And so Alec had muttered something about idiots and not going to jail for him, and jumped into the passenger seat just as he was taking off in the hotel provided SUV.

Unsurprisingly, Alec had been right. The snowstorm hit them before they ever got to the top of the trail. Alec had then shouted at him through the noise and the blizzard where to drive them to and they had barely made it inside.

The storm had calmed down significantly now, but it had dumped enough snow outside that they couldn’t even open a window. And even if they did, they had no way of getting out of there. Not until someone came to dig their car out anyway. Which according to Alec’s radio, wouldn’t be until the next day at best, since they weren’t in any immediate danger (they’d had that talk before they’d found out they had no power). The roads were all blocked.

Jace had tried saying he could probably call someone, but for one Alec had glared at him, and for second, when Jace _had_ tried quietly texting someone either way, they told him _“Mr. Herondale, sir”_ that the skies were also still too dangerous for any helicopter extractions. Unless Jace said he absolutely _needed_ one. He figured he’d risked enough personnel for one day.

By the time Alec came back, Jace had hung both their coats, fed the fire more firewood, and put a kettle on to warm up some water for some bagged tea he’d found. Alec gave him a strange look, but something about his face seemed to soften. Jace smiled sideways, “Any luck?” Alec blushed.

“I. Actually could use some help, if you don’t mind?”

Jace smiled brightly.

“Of course not.”

Jace still smelled like warmth. Like clean skin under a dry hot summer day, and cinnamon along with the “sunflower” shampoo he definitely still used. Alec blinked and tried to focus on what he was doing, as Jace held up his phone’s flashlight for him.

It was itchy in his cheap uniform shirt, and Alec would be glad to get out of it and stay only in his own soft sweater as soon as this was done. He still didn’t know if he should or not have been surprised at Jace’s adamant conviction that he could get to and complete the trail before the storm hit, despite Alec’s several warnings. Jace had always been stubborn. But Alec had also forgotten just _how much so_ he could be, specially in regards to his own safety.

The last conversation they’d ever had was still blaring in his head.

Alec blushed as Jace caught him staring at him, instead of at the panel and sighed as he started working it again. Since Jace had first showed up three days ago, at the hotel, for his _Herondale reservation,_ Alec hadn’t been able to push his own words out of his head.

_It’s you. The boy I have a crush on. It’s you._

He pushed the lever again, and this time, the generator roared and the whole cabin came alight. Alec took a breath of relief. “Alright. At least now we’ll have light and maybe warm water.” He turned but Jace hadn’t yet and his nose tip was maybe half an inch away from pushing against his face. Alec tried to scramble backwards only for his foot to get caught in one of the many wires on the floor. He braced for impact, but before it came, a strong hand was grabbing his forearm and pulling him back.

Jace chuckled.

“I’m guessing I don’t need to ask if your coordination’s improved...” Alec glared and was satisfied to see Jace blush a little. “You okay?” He nodded with a stiff look down to where Jace was still holding him. He let go.

“Yeah, fine. Thank you.” He said, clearing his throat before Jace made a noise and rushed out to let Alec back into the house as well.

He closed the door behind them and relaxed, feeling like he had a grip on things as he washed his hands on the mini kitchen sink, and spotted Jace looking at him this time, leaning against the counters.

“There’s some food in the cabinets but I’m not sure if any of it is serviceable.” Alec nodded at that, the silence stretching.

He knew he should say something in turn.

In all fairness, Jace was _trying very hard_ to strike up a conversation and be _civil_. And it was tempting. Alec could feel how easy it’d be to just LET him. To fall back into old habits and patterns, to just be friends again. But every time he felt himself smiling, or getting too happy around the blond, there was a stab in his stomach that followed, and he was overwhelmed by his last memories of him. How Jace had never answered him back then, except to say something that had started with _You can’t_ and was interrupted by all the sirens and the blond running downstairs as he heard his father shouting.

_Valentine_ , he should say, _not his father_.

Valentine had been arrested that night. For the kidnapping of William Herondale among many other things. Alec wondered if Jace still thought of him as father. He _had_ been fifteen by then, after all. A lifetime probably couldn’t just get erased like that, even if one wanted to.

Alec had thought about that and many other things over the last five years.

Since then he’d had his own problems to worry about.

Like his parents getting caught for _helping_ Valentine Morgenstern with a few of his many crimes. And even though they had been cleared later, for cooperation and after proof that they had acted under coercion, something Alec had never been a hundred percent sure about, his father had still lost his job. His mother had still lost her connections. Their family had still been in shambles.

And still, Jace hadn’t called.

Imogen, the grandmother that had spent his whole life looking for him, had whisked him away to London, and France, and Italy, and Jace had just, after ten years of friendship, never called him back. Alec had been gutted. And he’d thought about that last night until his brain had holes in it. He’d wondered, if he hadn’t said anything, if Jace would have still wanted to be his friend. Or if regardless of his misguided confession, this was just how it was always going to end. If Jace hated him for whatever role his parents played in that man’s doings. If once he’d told him that _he_ was the object of his affections, if then that had changed everything about his long kept acceptance speech and he was forced to realized he had never actually been okay with who Alec was, and was glad to have every excuse in the book not to ever contact him again. It’d been a lot of “ifs.”

_“I’m sorry.”_

Alec was pulled out of his stupor as he frowned at the words. He must’ve looked as confused as he felt because Jace took a big breath as he pushed himself to his feet, arms crossed like a child and repeated it, _“I’m sorry, Alec.”_

The brunet scoffed, “what for?”

Jace winced, and Alec almost felt bad for his tone and the implications in his death glare.

“Everything.”

Jace’s tone was so soft that Alec regrettably felt his bunched shoulders fall.

Jace’s heart was beating wildly but he felt as relieved as he was terrified.

He’d been holding on to those words for the last five years, and he couldn’t believe now that it’d taken him so long to say them. He felt embarrassed, and guilty, and he hated his younger self for having _no idea_ how to handle that situation before.

When Alec had told him he was in love with him, Jace had had no idea what to say to that. And NOT because of the reasons he knew that he’d left Alec no choice but to believe.

Everything else aside, first and foremost, Jace just _wasn’t good enough for him_. He had never been. He’d never been even good enough to be his friend, and yet Alec had dedicated half his life to him; to sharing everything with him, happy moments, secrets, adventures, affection, even every gift he ever got, and all of the battles Jace’d allowed him to. As though because Alec couldn’t defend him from what happened in his house, he’d been determined to defend him everywhere else. Even if he knew Jace could handle it. He didn’t care. He was there for him. And Jace...

“Alec I had no idea how to handle anything that happened then. I was a stupid boy,” Jace saw his lips tense and for a moment thought the other would rebut it, but he seemed to hold himself back. Alec had always contested Jace’s view of himself, and he ached now as he realized how much he’d missed having someone who would. He looked down and swallowed, before looking at him again, refusing not to face this after he’d let himself be a coward for far too long. “When everything happened with my f- _Valentine_ ,” he breathed, and some glimmer passed in Alec’s eyes. “Finding my grandmother, moving across the continent, trying to understand everything that’d happened. It was _hard_ , but it was much harder without you.”

He screwed his eyebrows as he wished he still had that bond with Alec, that invisible tether between them that had always seemed to make the other understand what he meant even when Jace barely understood it himself.

“I had no idea what I was doing, and I had no idea who I was. I just knew I wasn’t-I knew you deserved better than me.” He tensed. Alec was quiet, and he looked like he thought Jace was either an idiot or lying to him. _Or both_. “You know I was always a screw up. _I tried_. And you made me better, but I always got things wrong. Your parents never liked us being friends, and even before everything that came out, I knew why. You had this big future, and I was the school’s trouble kid, only in it because of them and their sponsorship of my scholarship in the first place.”

“You were never trouble.” Alec cut in sharply, and as Jace shot him a surprised glance he seemed surprised himself. Before he rolled his eyes. “You had perfect grades,”

“I beat up like half the boys in our class in fifth grade-”

“ _Because they were being assholes to me!”_

“Alec, I gave one of them a concussion,”

“He broke my arm!”

“I had you lie to your parents a whole winter while I hid in your basement, ate from your pantry, and slept in your bed.”

“ _I_ brought you home. _I_ fed you from our pantry _. And I_ made up stories to my parents. Because your evil fucker of a father had beat you up bloody and left you for weeks.”

“I _stole and sold_ Kyle’s father’s watch.”

“ _Because Valentine hadn’t paid rent in two months!_ _And both_ Kyle and his dad were assholes. Still are. And then you almost spent your whole next summer’s wage to get that watch back.”

“You stopped me.”

He couldn’t help but smile sideways now, as he remembered it.

Alec blushed and shrugged.

“It wouldn’t do any good by then. Kyle had already bought it back anyway, because he knew he was the whole reason someone stole it, since he got plastered when he wore it to Jessica’s party and didn’t want his father to find out. You telling the truth would just cost _you_ way more than that whole family’s worth on their best day.”

Jace chuckled and shook his head, then tensed as the levity dwindled between them. Outside, he heard snow ploft to the ground, probably from a tree, and realized as he raised his eyes that the storm was clearing. He took a deep breath.

“Hardly matters, at any rate. All of those things they are just what happened, they’re reasons but not excuses. The fact is I was terrified. I was scared and a coward, and I let you think it was your fault.” Jace felt his heart coil. “It was never your fault, Alec.” He looked at him until he saw something shift in his old friend’s face. “You were always the best thing that ever happened to me.” Alec made a sound but didn’t actually say anything, so Jace went on. “But after everything, being away from you, I just thought maybe it’d be better for you if I was finally out of your way. You skipped classes for me. You lied and you got in trouble, and you stayed out after curfew, and you shared everything you’ve ever gotten with me. I thought this would be the right thing to do. But I was lying to myself. And then everything _else_ came out, and I was afraid. That you’d definitely hate me now, and that things would only worsen for you if I tried to reach out. I was the whole reason your parents doings were found out, after all. The investigation for me found Valentine, and from there, everything else. I had no idea how to talk to you, knowing you already had every reason to hold a grudge, and that now I was part of the reason why your family was being dragged through hell.”

“It wasn’t your fault that they did what they did.”

He shrugged.

“It didn’t seem to matter then. My therapist calls it displacement.” He blushed as he elaborated, “grandmother said I could continue with the piano tours as long as I committed, after a few incidents.” He expected Alec to look at him like he was crazy, but instead, he looked thoughtful. Jace licked his lips.

“Anyway. I found out many things about myself as well, things that made me realize I was also having a reaction to something I still had no idea about, when you told me. Turns out I’m bi.” He held his breath. Alec looked surprised now, blue eyes widened with blankness. “And I’m pretty sure you were my first crush too.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Right.” Jace said, awkwardly. He was surprised but didn’t know why he should be. Alec was, in a word, beautiful. Inside and out. Smart and hard working and so generous. Any bastard would be lucky to have him. Jace had been. And he had thrown it away. It shouldn’t be a huge surprise that someone else had snatched him. It’d been _years_ after all, and miles of space Jace had pushed between them.

He cleared his throat.

“Am that’s. Good. Very good. I’m happy for you, Alec. I’m not telling you this now because of anything, I just. You deserve to know. And I wanted you to know I’m sorry. My world crumbled and I couldn’t handle it. I suppressed my feelings for you because I was terrified of what they could mean, about us, about me, my blurry future. And I pushed you away when you were the only real friend I’d ever had. And I’m so sorry.”

Alec breathed quietly.

“Thank you.”

Jace felt a sudden warmth blossom inside him. Hope.

“You think we could be friends again?”

Alec nodded. And then he smiled, in that sideways, closed lips, fond way of his that Jace had always thought was _his_ special smile, for _him_. He smiled back, and thought this, this was his first moment of true joy in the last five years.

“Good.”

Alec had no idea why he’d said what he had.

He _didn’t_ have a boyfriend. Magnus and him had broken up almost an year ago, and Alec hadn’t dated anyone since.

Maybe he’d just wanted to make sure there was still a palpable wall between Jace and him. Maybe he’d thought that would make sure he’d keep his bearings and wouldn’t forget all the hurt and loneliness in the brightness of Jace’s smile.

Regardless of his words to himself, things eased after that.

Jace seemed more relax, acting a lot less like he was trying too hard to please. And without anything else to do, they had sat with the tea Jace made and just _talked_.

Jace told him about his awkward relationship with his grandmother. How hard they both kept trying around each other and how that didn’t always work for the best. He told him how he still had complicated feelings about Valentine, and even more complicated ones about his real parents, whom had passed away before Jace ever knew about them.

He’d told him about how he’d started playing the piano more and more as a means of coping. And how a friend of his grandmother’s had heard him one day and asked her if he could invite Jace for a performance. How things had kind of taken off from that to Jace now having played from famous theaters to the Queen one afternoon, and sold two albums worldwide. How weird fame felt to him. How he’d had a couple relationships but nothing that lasted past the shine of the Herondale name he now bore. How he had told his grandmother he would keep his name, but not the one Valentine had given him, rather the one Alec did. Jace. That the fond nickname was now his official one.

By the time he’d finished, the sun had sunken and their stomachs were growling.

As it turned out, though, there _was_ serviceable food in the cabinets, and between the two of them, they had managed to prepare creamy tomato soup and toast for dinner.

While they ate, Jace started asking his own questions, and Alec started talking.

He told him how they’d gone through a rough patch after everything came out. How Alec’s siblings had had to transfer to a public school, and how Alec had deferred college to help them all transition. Now he worked at the resort every weekend and every winter and summer break, to make enough money to pay for the local college he was going to instead, and hopefully his Master’s Degree one day. Alec wanted to become a social worker, and maybe at some point pursue Law to expand on what he could do with it. And, secretly, Alec sometimes thought even politics could come in handy.

Though the reasons why Jace, particularly, had been in a bad home turned out to be wildly unique, Alec still knew lots of kids ended up in bad places for several other reasons. Even just because they were born in the wrong family. Or because of _how_ they were born. Alec intended to make it his life’s work that at least _some_ of those children would end up with better lives, in better places.

The way Jace looked at him when he told him was so warm it made Alec fluster with pride.

He had forgotten what it felt like to have Jace give him that look. Like Alec was his hero and the best damn person in the planet. It’d been just one of the million little things that had made him fall for the talented beautiful boy that never seemed to know his own worth.

“You think they’ll be able to come for us tomorrow?” Jace asked, in a whisper just slightly above the crackling fire.

Though the place had a small bedroom, the furnace was barely working with the old generator, which meant the living room was the only place hot enough to sleep in. Consequently, after a brief argument, Jace and Alec had dragged out the old mattress from the bed and placed it on the floor, over the rug and as close to the fireplace as it was safe, and were now lying on it. Back to back, and under all of the blankets they could find.

“Probably.” Came Alec’s quiet answer. “Hopefully.” He added, after a moment’s consideration.

Jace turned around slowly under the monolith of blankets and a few seconds of staring at Alec’s nape were enough to have him turning too.

“What?!” He asked in a hissed tone.

Jace smiled.

Angry Alec was a thousand times better than indifferent Alec.

His action seemed to disarm him as Alec sighed and twisted his lips, causing Jace’s smile to only grow. He reached forward just enough and wrapped his fingers around Alec’s cold ones, as he kept his eyes on him.

“Is it okay if I call you once we’re out of here?” At the pause, he remembered Alec’s previous warning and added quickly, “as friends, of course.”

Whatever tension was still lingering in the other seemed to melt away, and Jace’s heart sped up in his chest. He’d forgotten how good it felt to be the only one able to make Alec that disarmed, relaxed, and comfortable. He felt him squeeze his fingers back as he nodded.

“...Yeah. Sure.” There was a tiny flicker of hesitation and Jace could guess the words unsaid. _As long as you don’t keep me hanging again._

He squeezed his hand even tighter, by his turn.

“Good. I will.” Alec smiled, and Jace did too. “Good night, Alec.”

He didn’t let go as he closed his eyes. And Alec didn’t try to make him.

“Got them.”

Alec’s smile was triumphant as he made it back to the cabin through the window, helped by Jace, clutching the bag of homemade cookies like a trophy.

They had got news from the rescue team that morning, saying that there had been more snow falls through dawn, and they thought it’d be just another day before they were able to make it all the way up to them. Alec would have felt dreadful at those same news yesterday, but somehow he didn’t mind them as much today. And when he’d told him, Jace hadn’t seemed too upset either.

They’d improvised breakfast, and after a couple hours of conversation, Alec remembered he had cookies somewhere in the hotel’s car, and conjectured he could probably climb out through the window and into the car through the trunk to get them. So he had.

Now, Jace rubbed his arms, after closing the window and helping him out of his coat, and dragged Alec back to their makeshift bed and current half fort. On the mattress and surrounded by the old couch and armchair, in front of the fire. If nothing else, Alec was grateful for the large supply of firewood that the cabin seemed to house.

He blushed at how much Jace was touching him, but the other seemed too focused on getting them back under the blankets to care. As soon as they were sitting again, Jace pulled the covers over their laps as much as possible, and then the extra one from the couch around their shoulders, before offering him a fresh and hot cup of tea.

Alec sipped and shuddered before his body relaxed and he grinned as he cracked his retrieved bag open, and offered Jace first pick.

“Iz sent it to me yesterday at work.” Jace stopped mid through his first bite with such startlement that it made Alec laugh brightly. “She didn’t _make_ them. Mom did.” He assured him, allowing the blond to bite down and hum, and whether on porpuse or not, press up against Alec and half lean on his shoulder. Alec felt his chest warm from more than the tea.

“How come you were so sure you were straight when we were growing up?” He asked, something he had wanted to since the day before.

Jace blushed even as he felt the cookie melt into chocolate goodness in his mouth, and shrugged.

“Repression?” He gave Alec a look, and he didn’t seem satisfied so Jace chuckled, before elaborating. “I don’t think it was only one thing. We both know how _he_ felt about it,” his father that was. Not that Jace called him that out loud, but sometimes he still let himself think it in his own mind. “That it was a kind of sickness. Being attracted to the same gender. I never thought that way, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t relieved when I figured girls didn’t make me want to vomit the way they seemed to make you. _Not because I believed it_.” He was quick to add. “I just didn’t want to give him any other reasons to be disappointed in me, so that made me more than reluctant to dig any deeper after that.”

Alec squeezed his hand, and his was warm now from holding the tea. Jace smiled even as he kept his eyes down, and continued.

“Well. And then there’s the fact that, damn, look how we grew up, Alec. Alicante is not exactly a beacon for self discovery and individual freedom. I didn’t even know there _was_ such a thing as bisexual until I was out of here. And then I didn’t want to think about it in regards to myself, because if I did, I inevitably had to think about you. And that made me feel so guilty I thought sometimes that just the weight of it would crush me.”

There was a warm kiss placed against his head and Jace blinked out of his dark thoughts as he glanced up at Alec, but the other simply smiled and bit into his own cookie, offering him the bag again, in silence. Jace grabbed another one.

“I’m glad you figured it out. It sucks not being able to be yourself.”

Jace smiled, and reached over to brush a chocolate smudge off of Alec’s chin.

“Yeah, it does.” He sipped his tea, before gathering the guts to ask, “when did you? Come out, I mean, to them?”

Alec was still in a slight stupor from the warmth of Jace’s thumb brushing just under his bottom lip, when he asked. And it took him a second to form his thoughts again. He breathed before sipping his tea to gather his wits, and think about the question, the memories weighing heavily on his chest.

“A little while after everything about _them_ came out.” He admitted, setting his cup down. Jace placed a hand on his wrist, and as Alec looked at him, he found the most familiar empathy swimming in those golden eyes, warm like he hadn’t seen them even in pictures, in years. He smiled, his comforting one, and placed his other hand on top of Jace’s hoping he still knew how to read an _it’s okay_.

“I was trying to keep everyone together, and make sure Izzy and Max, specially Max, were as protected from all of it as I could. I’d just got my letter of acceptance from Oxford when it happened. I ended up declining it, because I knew there was no chance of me doing this now. They were furious as though it was _my_ fault somehow, that we no longer had money or stability enough for me to go to a whole other country to study. While they were lecturing me, when we were days away of having our house taken, my father started talking about my bright future with a proper _young woman_ and I just lost it. I told them who I was, everything about me, and the actual situation we were all in, and how things were going to go from then on. I doubt they liked it, but they were so stunned they didn’t say anything either. I think they just pretended not to know, but they haven’t tried to introduce me to any girls since. And when I started bringing Magnus around, they overlooked it.” He shrugged. “It’s not perfect, but it was good enough for me. When we broke up my mother even baked for me and asked me about it, and told me not to ‘give up on it.’”

Jace smiled, before blinking. “When you broke up?” He asked, his tone sounding as confused as eager. Alec blushed, stuttering,

“F-for a while. That is.”

The blond seemed to unwind. “Oh. Right. What about Max, how’s he doing?”

As Alec launched himself into the tales and misadventures of his siblings, the conversation relaxed into familiar territory and soon they were both laughing together as Jace interjected, brought up memories, and told him a few anecdotes of his own. Five years straitening between them further in the next five hours.

Jace watched Alec stock the fireplace again while he finished washing the dishes from their sausages and toast dinner. Their firewood was starting to dwindle and as honestly nice as this had been, he really hoped the rescue could actually come for them tomorrow.

As he looked he couldn’t help but notice yet again how well Alec had grown up. How his shoulders had broadened, which Alec blamed continued archery training for, and how beautiful his stark pale and dark contrasts looked in the warm glow of the fire, how he swore he could see the dark gleam of his midnight blue eyes even from where he stood now.

He finished rinsing and washed the sink, sighing as he finished it all, and drying off his hands before making his way back to their little corner. When he sat down with a groan, Alec was already in place and he immediately took both his hands in his own, and rubbed them with an empathetic hiss. Jace smiled, not because Alec was looking at him, but just at the almost overwhelming wave of affection he felt.

As grown up as he was, Alec was clearly also still that same compassionate generous boy he’d known. Protective in a way that had made Jace feel safe then, and still did now. Not for a moment had he been truly scared during their current predicament. Even before Alec and he had made up. Because there was a fundamental feeling in his soul, that as long as Alec was with him he had no real reason to be scared. He thought it was no coincidence that he’d sunk hard into his panic attacks and anxiety spirals after he was taken from him.

He didn’t realize Alec was looking at him until the light movement of his eyebrow brought Jace back from his daydreaming into the depths of Alec’s eyes.

Jace blushed but didn’t look away.

“There’s one thing I haven’t told you yet.” He said, instead, and pulled himself to sit up straight, a dip in his heart. Speaking of it, he felt anxiety circle his chest, trying to settle in, but the way Alec was still holding his hands made it duller. Jace owed it to him. And in someway he thought he owed it to himself too. Even if he knew nothing would come of it, and he didn’t need it to. He just had to say it. For both their sake. And hope Alec wouldn’t do the same thing he did, that he wouldn’t pull away, and they could be friends with all cards on the table.

“When I told you, you were my first crush. That wasn’t all of it.” He took a breath, and Alec seemed almost eerily quiet as he looked at him with that intensity Jace had never found in anyone else after he left. “I. I was in love with you, Alec.” He said slowly, quiet but determined, and watched Alec’s eyes widen, the hold in his hands grow lax though he didn’t pull away and Jace still felt encouraged enough to go on with it. “And I think. _I know_. That I never fell out of love with you. That’s one of, maybe a fundamental one, reasons my relationships didn’t quite work out. No matter what I had, it never felt real enough, good enough, because I’d already _had that_. I’d had you. I knew what that felt like, and even when I was with someone else I still dreamed about you, us, at night, our memories and our moments, and about me giving you a different answer the day you told me how you felt.” He had to pause to breathe again, and Alec seemed alarmed and still frozen in place, enough so that Jace blushed again, feeling the need to add quickly. “I don’t expect anything from telling you, but I just- I felt that you should-”

He never got to finish his sentence, because then Alec smashed their mouths together and Jace’s words blurred into a muffled moan.

It was the best kiss of his entire life, and once more Jace wanted to _hit himself_ for all the time he’d made them waste.

Alec kissed him in a way Jace had only ever read about kisses being, before. With so much of himself pressed into it, that before even tasting his tongue Jace felt dizzy like he’d suddenly lost the edges and frontiers of his soul.

He had always felt in several moments, that Alec and he were more the same person than two separate people should have the right to be. But it was one thing to remember it, and another to experience it. He had no idea when he’d climbed his lap, but the minute he had, Alec had grabbed his waist as though they had practiced it before. And Jace barely recognized the sound he made when Alec twisted and pulled his hair.

Surely his head ought to explode at certain point if his heart kept beating this hard, shouldn’t it? The near _whimper_ Jace bathed his tongue with when Alec pulled his hair had him _aching_ , throbbing not only in his chest, and throat, but in other ways too. Jace was perfect. And Alec had nearly forgotten how much so. Clouded by all the hurt and betrayal, that now felt so insignificant when their connection opened up again with a brain melting rush of want, trust, affection, and more love than Alec had imagined himself capable of for a good while.

He knew there was so much they still had to talk about. One and a half days weren’t nearly enough to discuss five years of separation. But how was he supposed to focus on that, when Jace sat there, with those eyes, and told him with those perfect lips that he was somehow _in love with Alec._ ** _ **Still**_**. As in _had been before, perhaps all their lives, just like Alec himself._ He doubted anyone would blame him for what he’d done next.

Alec had kissed and been kissed before, _not badly at all_ , but somehow as he bit down possessively onto Jace’s plush upper lip and tugged, drawing a new quiet moan from his throat, he didn’t think he had ever _kissed_ before. Not if kissing meant this. This whole body and spirit experience that it felt with the boy in his arms. When they had to break apart, Jace struggled, and Alec would have chuckled if he weren’t so dizzy, as he held him soothingly instead, and loved him even more for it. Could he? Could he trust and love Jace, all of his heart aside? Could he give himself over entirely again and have the same blind trust he had before, that Jace would never drop him, even if this one thing between them didn’t work out?

He opened his eyes to two slits of gold and then Jace gasped, making him tighten, himself, curling his fingers around his biceps as though he expected a retreat.

“Y-Your... Your boyfriend.” Jace muttered, and Alec could already sense the weight of guilt in his voice, which in turn made his own twinge in his lungs. _Oh_. Right. As he tried to think of what to say, something shifted in Jace, the look in his eyes opened with plea. “Would you give me one night?” He winced and Alec gasped as he held him tighter, he tried to speak again but Jace interrupted him once more. “Is it horrible?? I don’t want to not be your friend, ever again, and I won’t let this change that, Alec, I swear it. But do you think we could- Just once? Just for tonight??”

“It’s not horrible.” Alec said, quickly, breathless. And before he could struggle with himself and his own fears further, the ones that had bloomed and grown roots in his heart over the last near miserable five years. Or before he could do anything that meant ruining this moment, he shoved Jace back onto the mattress, going with him on top, and he kissed him again.

Jace held on to Alec’s raspy dark voice as he had reason kissed right out of him again, and Alec’s heavy, warm body weighed on top of him.

That was how Alec sounded like when he was aroused. Jace clutched the information into a box for safekeeping in his mind, as any oter words his conscience might have prompted him to say undid into a string of moans, groans, and whimpers mingled with Alec’s name. Jace had no idea where all that was coming from either, but feeling _as_ safe and comfortable as he did, in his best friend’s arms, also meant that trying to keep his wits about him was a more than impossible job.

There had never been room for walls between them before, miles of physical real space having been needed before that ever became a possibility. And as Alec’s hand pushed inside his sweater, raking his stomach, up his chest, and against his thumping heart, there certainly was none now. Jace couldn’t help but be responsive to every little touch bestowed upon him, and to beg and plead and search with everything he had for more, while he was allowed to.

Alec felt hot and possessive in the best way possible on top of him, grabby and groaning and making Jace’s knees feel wobbly as he found giving up control to be ridiculously easy.

He had certainly never been a pushover. Years ago, he’d fought Alec on every decision, arguing with him until the older boy was blue on the face, sometimes just for the fun of it, and sometimes because he was very unwilling to consider Alec’s safety and well being any less than the other considered his own. And yet even then, even when he’d outright tell him he was simply going to do what _he_ thought he should, Alec had grumbled and muttered but still begrudgingly watched as he went on with it, and promptly followed, to make sure he’d be okay.

There was a reliance and assurance in it that had made it effortless to let go, when he really needed to, and trust Alec would catch him. The same one that still did, now.

Alec wasn’t sure for how long they’d been kissing, but at some point both their sweaters had been ditched, his lips had begun feeling raw and his jaw had started aching. He pushed through it, barely taking notice, as he broke breathlessly from Jace’s mouth, only to make way and plant new claiming marks on his throat. He’d discovered Jace made a particularly strangled sound whenever he bit a new hickey into him, and it was highly addictive. Alec daydreamed about staying there, between one and the other, kissing Jace dumb, until they both starved, because even the thought of stopping for food or sleep felt painful. 

Jace had pulled a blanket on top of him, up to his nape, when Alec had first shivered, and he was clutching to both it and Alec’s upper shoulder now, as the latter raked his teeth down his collar bones. Oh, Jace was the sweetest thing Alec had ever touched in his life. He wanted to make sure he left an impression that the blond couldn’t as easily push aside this time, that would linger for days after they parted, and hopefully prompt him to actually call and come back to see him.

He grabbed him by his hips and jerked him closer and Jace gasped before he made a different sound, a complaint one, causing Alec to pull back just as quickly ─── panting and concerned as he searched his face and babbled, “s-sorry, did I hurt you? Are you okay? Did you want to stop?”

Jace contorted himself as Alec watched, digging for something underneath him, and bringing back his phone, which he threw on the couch as he laughed, Alec joining him in relief as he pulled him closer again, meeting their foreheads and stroking his likely sore spine.

“No, I don’t want to stop, Alec. I doubt I ever will.”

His easy tone got tenser at the end, as though he realized what he was saying just as the words came out, and to keep him from dwelling in it, Alec kissed him again.

The fire had died. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Jace was aware of it, but couldn’t string enough concern about it to be bothered. Under the blankets, Alec and he were still running hot. They were shirtless and pantless now, but their underwear had stayed, and Jace hadn’t felt the urge to rectify that fact.

If he was being honest, he though that it’d hurt too bad if they went all the way and that had to be the only and last time they ever did. And this now, as Alec thrust and rutted against him, making impatient little groany sounds into their kiss, felt perfect. Jace didn’t want to ruin it, not even to get more.

He whined as they broke apart and Alec shoved him down by his chest, keeping him from chasing his lips while he rutted harder. Oh. He looked up, feeling feverish, and Alec smiled in a way Jace had never seen him do before. Devilish almost. It sent a cold trickle down his back.

“I want to see you.”

His tone was heavy and intoxicating, it made it hard for Jace to breathe. He nodded. After all those years, after all the time he’d wasted for them, he’d give Alec anything, anything at all he wanted, even if what he wanted right now was to stop this. He would. After all those days making him feel unneeded, Jace yearned to make Alec know just how loved he was. Even if just for this frozen moment in time.

He tossed his head back, moaning as he squirmed under Alec’s eager thrusts, and his hips fell in sync with it as much as they could, pinned as he was. Alec cursed, and Jace’s heart jumped, it having stayed erratic since they’d started this when the sun was still up.

“You’re so beautiful.”

The praise was almost painful in its sincerity, and it brought a tortured sound to Jace’s throat. They had been building it up for so long now that his entire body felt shaky. Alec leaned down, until their noses touched, but without giving in to Jace’s attempts to go back to kissing.

“Look at me.”

He asked but it sounded like an order, and Jace felt raw under the look in his eyes, as though he was naked of everything, even the scars that littered him. He whimpered at a particularly perfectly angled jerk of hips and brought his hand over Alec’s that was still resting on his heart, clutching it there. He was a lot closer than he’d thought.

“That’s it...” And the voice was quieter now, as he pressed closer, a secret just for them, and Jace would have answered if he still had the words to. “Let go for me.”

Jace came hard and fast, and he could feel Alec’s length twitching and pulsing against him as he joined him and finally crashed their lips together again.

He was still out of it when Alec fell against him, no longer able to keep himself up, and Jace gladly wrapped and tightened his arms around him to keep him just so. Alec huffed softly but didn’t complain at all, instead he kissed his ear, and Jace was nearly sure he heard him say, _“I love you too,”_ just as his eyes closed, heavy, and the other’s breath on his neck and murmured words lulled Jace to sleep.

Alec woke up with a tickling against his nose and a cold feeling on his nape. The tickling, he realized as he opened his eyes slowly, was due to his own breath on Jace’s hair as he held the blond from behind, and the cold was due to the fireplace being out. He groaned softly, and instead of getting up to deal with it, he just hid his face against Jace’s warmth and tried to worm himself furter under the blankets, unsuccessfully.

Alec was happy. Blissfully so.

He’d spent the last five years thinking he was so unimportant that even the boy he’d given himself over to, for the past decade before that, had forgotten all about him, the minute he’d stopped seeing him every day. Somewhere in his brain he knew that to not be true. He _knew_ Jace, and therefore knew it had to have an explanation, and that it was very likely rooted in any of the endless stupid fears Valentine had imprinted on him. But overtime, the growing silence had deafened even logic and experience, and swapped it for anxiety and dejection.

Jace didn’t want him. Jace hated him. Jace hated him _because_ Alec wanted him. Jace felt creeped out by him and that was why he took the chance of being forced away to cut him out. Jace didn’t need him, not even to face the fact his life had been turned upside down, shattered.

As Alec pressed onto the crook of his neck, breathed him in, he told himself slowly and repeatedly that none of that was true.

Jace had been put in an impossible situation. He’d been raised by a violent and unstable sociopath who also happened to be a raging homophobe. Jace had been _fifteen_. Jace saw himself as the reason to why two years later Alec’s family had nearly fallen apart. Jace was struggling with his own sexuality. Jace had never been taught how to be loved. Jace was getting help now. Jace smelled like warmth, and he was Alec’s again.

The blond murmured softly in his sleep as all of those thoughts danced in Alec’s mind. He smiled and kissed the beautiful golden face, feeling the light stubble that he’d grown, while stuck in the small cabin with Alec, against his lips. And as Jace relaxed back into his sleep, Alec closed his own eyes again and let himself drift too, just a little longer.

This was the second time in two days that Jace had woken up in Alec’s arms.

The first morning, they had somehow ended up even closer than how they’d slept, with Alec’s arms wrapped tightly around him, and Jace’s mouth pressed on his collar bones. Alec had jumped up like a whole foot when they’d woken up. Jace doubted he’d be that startled now.

Truth be told, he could probably catch a few more minutes if he really tried, but he didn’t think it’d be wise. It was getting cold to the point that even their joined warmth wasn’t feeling like enough anymore, and Jace’s nostrils were burning a little. Lazily, he turned inside Alec’s arms, and started nuzzling him even before he opened his eyes, pressing hot little kisses to his cold neck, and snaking and arm around him to rub his back. “Alec...”

Alec grumbled a complaint, and Jace chuckled.

“Alec we have to get up and check the radio.” He whispered, only opening his eyes when he felt the other finally move, their strained looks meeting in the morning sun, making him chuckle again, and this time Alec joined him.

“Morning...” His tone was lazy as he leaned back in and brushed his lips along Jace’s neck, making him sigh.

“Morning, Alec.”

Jace held his breath as his brain caught up, tensing, and Alec seemed to sense it as he stopped and pulled back to look at him with a light frown. Jace watched the angular lines of his face, and brought a hand up to trace his cheekbone.

“You regret it??” He asked softly, it was all he needed to know, to be able to move on.

Alec smiled, and Jace felt his chest unwind as he smiled back.

“No.”

Jace nodded, and leaned in to kiss his face, sighing again. “I’ll wash up first...” Despite himself his tone was deflated. Their winter land was likely over and this was the last time he’d feel this close to the boy he loved, again. He felt Alec move against him and grab for the radio that was squeaking.

“Alec Lightwood speaking...”

Jace started to pull away as he heard Alec talk to the hotel, but blinked when he was grabbed tightly by the wrist. Alec wasn’t looking at him, but his hold was clear. He didn’t want Jace going anywhere yet, so the blond stayed, if uneasily.

“They can finally get someone up here,” he said, as he finished, tossing the radio aside, and turning his attention back to Jace. “Jace-”

“Alec. I know. I was the one who said just for a night, I get it, you don’t have to-”

“Shut up, will you??”

Jace’s surprised look would be comical if Alec didn’t feel so bad. He tugged Jace even closer, sitting up a little against the couch as he pulled the other with him, holding. “I lied before.” He blurted before his overthinking brain could stop him. Jace’s eyes widened even further, and Alec blushed but he was determined. He squeezed him, looking him in the eyes. He would not let fear take this away from him, like Jace had.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. Well. I did. But I don’t anymore not for most of this year. We’re just friends now, and he’s in my life in that way but he’s not-” he stopped as he could feel himself start to ramble and breathed. “I don’t have a boyfriend.” He repeated, as though he could make Jace understand just by saying it again though he knew he had to give him more than that. He pulled him to his lap, so they could be face to face, and pressed his palms against his lower back, staring at him as he went on. “When you started saying all of those things, about how you’d loved me too, I got scared. I’m sorry. I was afraid you’d leave me again, so I lied to try and keep a distance between us, and I shouldn’t have.” He stroked his arms gently as he looked at him, with openness now. “I don’t want that anymore. I never wanted it, really. I want you. And if you forgive me, I want to be with you. For real. For good.”

He held his breath as he waited. Waited for Jace to get angry, to shove him, to yell at him, or to change his mind. Jace’s smile blossomed across his entire face as his eyes glowed. Alec licked his lips. “I love you too.” He added, suddenly, realizing that he’d forgot to say that, like an idiot.

Jace laughed, probably because his own tone betrayed Alec’s thoughts. And though he realized just at the end that it was a tearful laughter, he didn’t have time to fret over it before Jace was kissing him. And as he gave into it, Alec’s heart swelled in his chest. Jace was still chuckling and crying as he peppered kisses across his face, and Alec squeezed him as hard as he could.

“I love you, Alec.”

Alec smiled.

“I love you too, Jace.” He repeated for good measure, sounding breathy to his own ears, one of which Jace bit softly.

“Want to take that warm shower _with_ me?”

Alec grimaced, but quickly forwent it for a smile. He knew the water wouldn’t be scalding hot as they’d like it, but it’d be a little less cold with Jace. Everything would.

“We have an hour.”

He could hear Jace’s smile in his voice as he answered.

“That’s plenty of time.”

✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴.✴

“Let it snow, really?!”

Jace laughed at Alec’s tone, mostly because the latter had a huge smile on his face even as he attempted to chastise him. He shrugged. “Seemed appropriate.”

They were in Alec’s small apartment, and Jace was frying a huge pile of chocolate chip pancakes for a Christmas’s morning breakfast. While he did so, he had put on the music on his iphone and had been whistling to it when Alec walked in, dressed in his commemorative pajamas (which he had made Jace PROMISE he wouldn’t laugh at) and started setting the table.

“They’ll be here soon.” He heard him say, behind him, and Jace smiled, unpreoccupied and mostly excited.

“You’re _sure_ Izzy won’t kill me, right?” He asked.

“Did you buy her the perfume I told you to?”

“Yes...”

Alec grinned, and wrapped his arms behind him, kissing his neck.

“Then I’m sure.”

Just as Jace finished the last pancake, he turned around to see a full breakfast table ready, a space for them in the middle, and they heard the doorbell ring. They exchanged a look, Jace’s heart leaping. Maryse, Isabelle and Max, were coming over to open gifts and eat with them. Jace heard the youngest Lightwood’s calls even before Alec opened the front door. And as soon as he did, one look at their faces over Alec’s shoulder, told Jace everything he needed to know about his standing with them. The Lightwoods were here. Jace’s boyfriend was blushing as he was kissed by his mom. And Jace was home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is it guys!!!
> 
> I wanted something short and sweet but that didn't feel empty. I hope you guys liked it. Indulging in these two loving one another is my comfort food, and we need it in the holidays more than ever!! Let me know what you think!! Happy Holidays to everyone!


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